It seems unfair that the “greatest show ever” The Wire is getting an HD release from HBO. Wasn’t tremendous critical acclaim and commercial success enough? I think it’s time we give some of the “not so greatest” shows ever a second chance to make an impact and since we can’t exactly go back and rewrite, re-shoot or completely re-conceptualize any of the following series, the HD Bump will have to do the trick.
Created by Joe Larson (the same guy behind the GEICO commercials), Cavemen was supposed to have a unique take on race relations. Instead, it had a unique take on nothing. Except maybe not making people laugh. But just imagine if we were watching cavemen being not funny in full HD! I think maybe people disliked the show because it didn’t seem “real” enough. THERE’S NOTHING REALER THAN HD REALNESS!
Some of us who were alive in the ’90s probably remember The Street Sharks. Actually, no. You probably don’t remember them. They were a rip-off of TMNT that was syndicated for WAY too long. Based on an already existing Hasbro toy line, they were a group of teenagers who were turned into crime-fighting half-men/half-sharks when a scientist used something called a “gene slammer” on them. The show wasn’t exactly a critical smash but the toys and show were fairly popular because if you’re half-beast, fight crime and look like you can bench press a metric ton-little boys will want to play with you. Also, the whale character is named Moby Lick. Remaster this sucker in HD, air a marathon during Shark Week and kick Discovery off of its Great White pedestal.
You probably haven’t heard of this little gem starring Simon MacCorkindale and Melody Anderson (Flash Gordon) where a young, wealthy doctor named Jonathan Chase had the power to transform into any animal in order to help the police solve crimes. Naturally, animal powers should only be used for good. The effects are as good as they can be considering they had Stan Winston on board and that its a campy ’80s adventure show. No, Manimal‘s flaw isn’t its stupidy…its that the show was ahead of its time. And stupid. They obviously couldn’t afford to actually create a different animal transformation for each situation so most of the time Chase would just become a hawk or a black panther, the sexiest of all big cats. So, the thesis of the show was not that a man who can change into any animal could be a force for change in the world, it was that a man who could change into those two animals would be enough to solve most problems. Putting weird cat puppets in front of shoddy blue screen backgrounds in HD would be enough of a laugh riot to throw Manimal well into the “so bad it’s good” fame instead of the “so bad its what the hell is Manimal” fame.
NBC (originally), 1989-1999
The Hoff. In his prime. In HD. Pam Anderson. In her prime. In HD. Separate but equal. Also, why did Baywatch have so many characters? That pan of the cast took forever. Maybe it was in extra slow motion in my head…
The Chevy Chase Show
What was so bad about The Chevy Chase Show? Everything. Fox hasn’t attempted a late night show since it’s cancellation over 20 years ago. Imagine if we could experience all of its lows in stunning HD? Chase’s nervousness, the rudeness of the crowd, the horribleness of its jokes? Oh, the moments we could wish we could forget…IN CRYSTAL CLEAR HD!!! I mean, I bet you can’t even get through the first 30 seconds of his Goldie Hawn interview without demanding an immediate increase in picture quality!
What show (crappy or otherwise) do you want to see in HD?
And don’t forget to make your bets before your favorite shows air next week!
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